When You Still Love People Who Did Terrible Things to You

Frequently as I can manage, I stand with my toes in the wet sand and stare out at the Pacific Ocean. The amount of revelations I have had while standing on some San Diego County beach is endless. I spend all my time inside my own head: thinking, wondering, processing.

I remember once as a kid, boogie boarding with my family. My boogie board flipped over and for too long, I couldn’t get on the other side. I was stuck underneath the board. When I finally was able to push the board out of my way (after being sure of my death), my mom and brother were a few feet away, laughing and playing. It was the first time I understood the ocean as a terrible force. I still loved it, but it terrified me.

Something being terrifying and horrible does not stop love.

23 Things I Learned at 23

“Nobody likes you when you’re 23” is what you’ll probably hear 6 or 7 times on your 23rd birthday. Thanks Blink-182 for these lyrics that will haunt all 23 year olds.

But there’s more to that: “And you still act like you’re in freshman year.” … which is a completely accurate description of how 23 has been for me.

Today’s the end of that. I’m glad 2014 is over. I’m glad that tomorrow I’ll be 24. It’s been a rough year. But I’ve accomplished a lot! I’ve graduated college, gotten a full-time job with benefits, went to a stuttering convention (what even!), had 7 cavities filled and a broken filling replaced all within a few hours… but I’ve made a lot of personal changes too. More than anything, I’ve learned that I have no idea how to handle things in a healthy and effective way. I’m starting to.

Here are 23 things I learned this year. Enjoy.
(PS: The pictures look best through Chrome Browser haha)